How to top the healing meters and make everyone hate you

[Nasanna]

A funny copy/paste that I found. Please realize that this is meant to be silly, ridiculous, and not actually used Thank you official WOW forums...


Alot of people have been saying to me how much trouble they have getting in the top heal spots. One person was warned that she may be kicked if she didn't starting healing more, and get higher on the heal meter. So I decided to produce a guide for these people to help them reach that top healing spot. This guide is currently only for priests.

The objective.
Your only purpose is to top the healing charts, whilst maintaing a low overheal %.

Your spells:
Power shield : Alot of heal meters don't show this as healing so just ignore it, someone else can shield to stop burst damge, and get their low heal position.

Dispel Magic: Again this is useless let some low heal person waste their time dispelling, if you do it you'll lose ranking.

Res : Useless, but make sure to heal the people who have just been rezzed, they are at like 1 hp so thats alot of potential healing. It might take a bit longer to recover after a wipe, but you'll be higher on the heal ranking so its worth it. If for some reason you are the only res 'er after a wipe left, make sure to res the other res classes last to make sure they dont get a full 99% hp heal bonus from healing the res'd people.

Renew: Spam this like no tomorrow, make sure you have maxed out all talents to increase your renew ability, and always cast your own on top of someone with a weaker renew, this gives the tank a better healing / tick from renew, and prevents that player from getting ahead of you on the heal meter.

Flash heal: This one is essential for stealing heals from other healers espically druids with their slow heal. In trash pulls and some tank and spank bosses there aren't enough people to heal for the healers, so this means you need to heal first to maintain that #1 healing spot. If you see two people at 80% hp and a druid just starts to heal one, DONT heal the one the druid isn't healing, assist the druid and land a flash heal getting that person to full, then whilst the druid goes and lands an overheal, quickly heal the other players, congrats you just got twice the healing , and your competition (the other healers) got none.

Greater heal: This is good for longer fights to keep your mana up. Getting it talented to a shorter cast is a must to land it before other healers. Dont worry too much about using it for mana conseravtion in trash though, use flash heal to steal heals and make others overheal (this also means they have less mana so they drink more and you get more heals) , the guild bank can always get you more major mana pots to use during trash, but if you dont get a high healing you could lose your officer status or be /gkicked

Fade: This one is quite good for avoiding death, if you see another healer is high on the aggro meter, espically one who has no aggro shedding abilities, run over to them and fade it off onto them, this'll interrupting their healing and give you a target to spam heals on to get more ranking.

Buffs : Inner fire on yourself, get other priests to cast the others on you and other raid members.

Downtime
If there is downtime perhaps after a wipe, or the raid leader calls a 5 minute break, etc try to find a warlock with an imp and run in and out healing yourself when your hp drops, if possible try to enlist other players so you can use prayer of healing as it will get you more healing much quicker. If you see other healers doing this you must heal them first so they dont get any heal ranking out of it. If for some reason there are no imp warlocks, this is the one exception in which you should cast fortitude on yourself and then heal to get ranking that way.

Healing Assignments
If you are in charge of healing assignments then follow this plan to maximize your ranking, if you aren't ignore the assignments and do this plan anyway
You should assign yourself to a tank who will take large amounts of damage constantly, so you can spam your best heals for 100% healing no overheal, with trash assign at most 1 other healer to the main tank and tell the other healers to "spot" heal i.e waste mana with 4 priests healing one person. Once you get to the boss assign your worst healers with the slowest reaction times and lowest heal ranking to help heal the maintanks, if you have good healers with a high healing ranking assign them to dispel/cleanse or if you must, to "spot" healing. This will insure the good healers heal ranking is crippled and you maintain a healthy lead as the best healer.

Special Tips for Certain Bosses
Snowballs can easily get you some 20 second silences on opossing healers in places like aq20 with kurinaxx, just stand in a blob of people and throw the snowball.
When nefarian does the priest call, use prayer of healing and lots of heals to make sure you have plently of targets to heal once the corrupted healing effect ends.
If you are a bomb of some sort, run towards the top healers in the healing ranking, this will keep them from overtaking you due to a chance death. (You can say something like whoops sorry my mouse died LOL, if you want to. If anyone complains remind them how you are always #1 healer and hence obviously the most skilled player)

Other Raid Members:
Hunter :
You can use alot more flash heals to get ranking first without going oom, if you keep nagging the hunter (or whoever is pulling) and tell him to slow down and stop pulling, even if the other healers are at 95% if you keep telling him that the healers are complaining he'll get paranoid and hopefully slow a bit meaning you can steal more heals with flash. It is worth noting your rating will drop if you run out of mana so make sure to moderate how many flash heals you use instead of de ranked greaters. And always remember to keep using those major mana pots every 3 minutes, guild banks have 1000's of gold so it doesnt matter in cost, remember higher heal ranking = better healer.

Druids
You must get druids to innervate you. It doesn't matter if someone else has more spirit of if you are at 85% mana, more healing = better healer and you want to be the best healer. If you are an officer its quite easy to tell them to innervate you, if not you can claim that priests are better healers with more benefit from spirit, make sure only to mention how much better priests scale if you scale better than them with more spirit. If you have worse equip just be vague about priests better healing bonus and keep pestering them till they give in, alot of people don't understand the mathematics, in this case its quite easy to make up some numbers to prove you should be innervated even if in reality someone else should.

Warlocks
You should always be soulstoned so you can start healing soon after a death, in addition in can be quite usefull if you find a warlock to spam lifetap even if he doesnt need the mana, in order to get heals in when noone else needs to be healed.

Priests & Paladins
In order to reduce the healing you do you can tell them "Your cleanse /dispel is a little slow" hopefully this will make them heal a bit less and have their finger hover over the dispel key or "Try not to overheal so much" even if they aren't overhealing, if you are an officer this works even better and will help keep the other healers from catching up with you. Sometimes this wont work so make sure to cancel buffs and whisper them all the time to rebuff you, this will keep them healing and lower their mana.

Druids
If the enemy curses try to convince your raid leader that you need mages dps, and just make druids full time de-curse duty, druids have pretty slow heal so you can beat them easily with flash. If you see a druid HoT someone quickly flash heal them and then the druid will not only be denied healing but he will get a load of overheal. These tips can help you become a better raid healer than druids. Again cancelling and asking for buffs can be quite usefull to keep their mana drained.

Shaman
Try to heal 1-2 people near the shaman at all times, this will help make their healing wave overheal more often. If you macro some questions , like "I would to talk to you about your spec for a moment" and use them you can also interrupt their healing.

Loot
Obviously you need good gear to maintain a high healing position, try to create an argument for gearing up a "maintank healer" first which basically means you get most of the healing items, if someone complains remind them of your #1 position as the best healer.

[Lynette]

A funny copy/paste that I found. Please realize that this is meant to be silly, ridiculous, and not actually used Thank you official WOW forums...


If you are a bomb of some sort, run towards the top healers in the healing ranking, this will keep them from overtaking you due to a chance death. (You can say something like whoops sorry my mouse died LOL, if you want to. If anyone complains remind them how you are always #1 healer and hence obviously the most skilled player)

LMAO...

[Emmalina]

I do my best to adhere to these strategies, however there are some other major issues to consider if you're trying to inflate your heal meters.

First, I believe that addons like Recount have gotten smart and do not log out of combat healing. After a wipe or after a fight, healing people to full will not get you the numbers you need. The simple solution to this is to not heal out of combat. Then as soon as the next pull is made and everyone has 1/2 HP, you have plenty of healing to do that will show up on your Recount. Maybe you have a responsible (lame) healer who doesn't care about the heal meters and heals everyone to full between pulls. This is great, they will be down mana and will have trouble keeping up with your healing output.

Second, I don't think this guide mentioned healing other healers. To maximize your healing, you should ignore the health bars of all other healers in your raid. If a healer gets aggro and dies, you have an entire fight to stack your numbers over theirs! And even if they manage to keep themselves alive, they will have to take their focus off of the group and drop heals on themselves as you toss huge healing numbers all over the raid.

Most importantly for priests is Circle of Healing. Circle of Healing is our bread and butter, the heal that our class is based around, the spell that really just dominates the rest. As soon as the AoE damage starts coming in, just mash that CoH button. Put someone on follow. Turn off your monitor. Make sure CoH is bound to your left mouse click, and just beat the hell out it. Turn your monitor on, check out Recount, and bask in your glory. Ignore Surge of Light procs, make sure CoH is fully talented with Holy Reach and Divine Providence. Hit up the hotness that is Glyph of Circle of Healing. Make sure you have some loud, audible alert that tells you when your Shaman healing partner has a Chain Heal in the pipe; you need to pump out at least 3 CoH's before that Chain Heal lands.

I think the payoff of these strategies is spamming Recount after every fight. Load it up, click on your healing breakdown pie chart. There should be 2 slices: the Circle of Healing slice, and the slice that represents all your other spells. This second part should be about the size of your anorexic cousin's Thanksgiving pumpkin pie slice. Realistically though, make sure that second slice is no higher than 10%. Find your way to the Total Healing Done meters. The top bar should be white, it should have your name in it, and it should be around 80% for a 2 healer system, 60% for a 3 healer system, and in the 50% area for 4+ healers. Click on that little yellow trumpet of glory, make sure /say, /guild, /party, /raid, and /yell are selected, and spam away. Profit.

If, for some unforeseen reason one of your other healers is still managing to outheal you and the rest of the raid is fawning over them instead of you, randomly log out and in a few times so everyone knows you're having lag troubles. Spinning in circles and running into the wall in the corner of the room for a minute or two will do the trick as well. After the raid, get a hold of a healer you know you can outheal and make sure they get their raid signup in as soon as the raid is posted so the other glory-stealing healer is left on the sidelines or, worse even, has to bring their DK alt.

[JohnnieRat]

Key for topping healing charts...
On mobs that WW or have some other melee range AoE. Make this macro:

/tar Johnnierat
/cast everything you have

[Nixphire]

Blah blah priest, blah blah new talents

I think this was from wow vanilla back before a lot of newer stuff came out 

[moonras]

This just made my day lol. I wondered what I was doing wrong with my priest, and now I know.

[capnpop]

pallies topping charts is easy...

step 1: cast seal of choice
step 2: Judge Light
step 3: heal for 8-10 seconds
step 4: repeat

it also helps to have bacon up to pad that overheal, anything under 50% is unacceptable...