"The Raid"

Started by fiere redfern, February 15, 2008, 11:46:33 PM

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fiere redfern

February 15, 2008, 11:46:33 PM
Healenz may think he's top dog, but if his raids run anything like this, we've got him beat by a LONG shot  ::)  :D

The Raid-

You raid with these people. You work with these people. These people are closer than your family. You should worry.

The GM- He’s sacrificed his family, friends, and probably a couple of jobs to drag you through new content. When the guild isn’t performing, these decisions are in question. Prone to shooting sprees, forum flame wars, and the rapid advancement/gearing of whatever toon the guild “needs”. If you can keep your mouth shut, he’ll go emo and quit before you get gkicked. Still, you do like the guy. Or did. Before he went crazy. See drunks, below.

The GM's Significant Other- Okay, so he was going to have to quit but he tricked his SO into playing. She loves it. She's terrible. You'll effectively 24 man every boss. Count on 4 constructs in the raid, every attempt. She plays a Belf.

The Raid Leader- When you stand in the flames, he dies a little bit inside.

The Positive officer- “That was great. Just great. You know, only 5% of guilds have even made it to Supremus, and getting him down to 67% on the second attempt is hawt.” See Stoners, below.

The Negative officer- “Jesus Christ why are there corpses under all these goddamn volcanoes? It’s Supremus for %@*@s’s sake. GET OUT OF THE GODDAMN FLAME!” See Drunks, below.

The Healing Officer- Has this job because, as the newest officer who plays a healer, he’s stuck with it.

The Hunter Class Lead- Will tell you that it does actually require skill and preparation to play a hunter well in the end game. Lies frequently.

Stratman- Has read every strategy on the entire internet for every boss. Unable to think critically. Knows where his talk key is. Hated by the officers. Likely to play a hunter. If this is also Chick With Accent, below, guild will probably collapse.

The Gay guy- Affects the gay accent for effect. Upgrade decisions tend to involve lengthy discussions about gear appearance. Learned to use the dressing room function before the ‘v’key.

The Stay At Home Mom- She’s around children all day and craves adult conversation. Babbles incessantly in vent, forgetting that adult conversation doesn’t usually begin with, “So I was talking to (insert name of four-year-old child) and he says…” May or may not be on speaking terms with spouse. Is muted on vent by 90% of the raid.

Mr. Mikeless- Has a microphone. Hears the conversation and directions. Once wiped the raid because he started talking and most folks alt-tabbed to see who the hell was speaking. May be your best player.

The Kid- So, you messed up on this guy’s interview and nobody noticed that he was 12. But, he can play. And if he gets a little bit excited when boobies are getting talked about? Hey, he’s young.

The Other kid- Remember that accountant you interviewed for the fury warrior position? And how you wondered how he’d make time to raid during tax season? He couldn’t. His eleven year old daughter took over about that time. She’s been raiding since. Mages, that’s an eleven year-old girl owning you night after night.

The Hunter Who Doesn't Do His Homework- Makes an insightful comment just after a raid wipe. "Holy Crap Man! I was just standing and shooting and this damn VOLCANO popped on me.

The Most Devout- This is the guy who gets to play an off-spec in a big-boy raid. He's the fury warrior or the enhance shammy. He cannot believe that some fate is letting him have this much fun that he's afraid it will all come crashing down. Prays devoutly to his favorite God that the guild won't collapse because he'll never have THIS much fun again. Ever.

The Drunks- The core of your guild. As raid progresses, their voices in vent are getting just ever so slightly slurred. You don’t notice because you’re trying to sound sober yourself. DPS output seems to scale positively with blood alcohol content.

The Stoners- Quietly wiping raids since the beta. They really, really, really hate having to move out of the fire. Two of them are dead under the volcanoes. They live in fear of the negative officer. They have their own channel. Try /join (insertguildname)stoners. You’ll see who’s in there. It’ll explain a lot. They’re also having more fun that everyone else combined

The Prima Donna- Requires special attention from management. Constantly whining. Plays some vital role. Might be a main tank, mage tank, or lock tank. The officers really hate this guy and as soon as they can find another tank with 24,000 buffed HP, he’s out. Not a stoner.

The Chick with the Accent- Is the accent fake? Nobody knows or cares. Future visits to Australia/Britian/New Zealand/Alabama are now planned by all single raid members. T

The Healing Pallie- Hates healing and had to go holy to see endgame. If you raid with a boomkin, a feral druid, a fury warrior, or any non-resto shaman, you are not getting a 10 minute blessing. Forget it. He hates you. God help you if he has alt in one of those classes, you're not even getting heals. Also, see Prima Donna.

The Departed Legend- You joined after he left. You suspect that he could not actually solo Doomwalker. But you're not totally sure.

The Warlock Whisperer- Directionally challenged. Despite having run Karazhan 1.26 million times, will require a summon to Maiden's room from the entrance. Has a "summon pls" macro. See (you guessed it) Stoners.

The New Guy- Begins most sentences with, "That's not how we did it in my old guild on Korgath." Likely to remain guilded for approximately one week. You wonder if he'll be tellign his next guild, "In my old guild, we ran TOWARDS the volcanoes.

(c/o http://forums.worldofwarcraft.com/thread.html?topicId=4665317893&sid=1)

Twilight for the win!  :Alliance Banner:

un4

#1
February 16, 2008, 06:31:45 AM
Dibs on Departed Legend!
un4

Alassana

#2
February 16, 2008, 12:23:12 PM
I call "Hunter that Doesnt do their homework"!!
Guys I was just shooting Lurker, and then everyone was gone! And then I flew across the room somehow and died? Wth? And this water hurts me?!

Luise

#3
February 16, 2008, 07:21:45 PM
Quote from: fiere redfern on February 15, 2008, 11:46:33 PM
The Warlock Whisperer- Directionally challenged. Despite having run Karazhan 1.26 million times, will require a summon to Maiden's room from the entrance. Has a "summon pls" macro. See (you guessed it) Stoners.

(c/o http://forums.worldofwarcraft.com/thread.html?topicId=4665317893&sid=1)

Twilight for the win!  :Alliance Banner:

ooh- they have one for me :) 
I'll have to get a "summon please" macro...but I don't whisper...lol...unfortunately for them, everyone in the raid knows when I'm lost.  ;)

P.S. This problem should be reduced with Era raiding with me.
P.P.S. This problem may increase as I grow older and more forgetful.

LastDyingBreath

#4
February 17, 2008, 02:16:10 AM
Quote from: fiere redfern on February 15, 2008, 11:46:33 PM

The Negative officer- “Jesus Christ why are there corpses under all these goddamn volcanoes? It’s Supremus for %@*@s’s sake. GET OUT OF THE GODDAMN FLAME!” See Drunks, below.


dibs

Jandris

#5
February 17, 2008, 07:05:33 AM
The Healing Pallie- Hates healing and had to go holy to see endgame. If you raid with a boomkin, a feral druid, a fury warrior, or any non-resto shaman, you are not getting a 30 minute blessing. Forget it. He hates you. God help you if he has alt in one of those classes, you're not even getting heals.

Dibs   :snowman_smiley:

JohnnieRat

#6
February 17, 2008, 08:43:42 AM
Gee... which one do I fall under.

QuoteThe Drunks- The core of your guild. As raid progresses, their voices in vent are getting just ever so slightly slurred. You don’t notice because you’re trying to sound sober yourself. DPS output seems to scale positively with blood alcohol content.

The DPS output thing is true... I get better DPS the drunker I get somehow. If I black out I think I can 1 shot Illidan.

kajunlady

#7
February 17, 2008, 09:17:03 AM
The Stay At Home Mom- She’s around children all day and craves adult conversation. Babbles incessantly in vent, forgetting that adult conversation doesn’t usually begin with, “So I was talking to (insert name of four-year-old child) and he says…” May or may not be on speaking terms with spouse. Is muted on vent by 90% of the raid.




THIS ONE I CLAIM.....lmao





" The Hardest Job is watching day by day your children grow up and wondering if you really did do all you could for them"
unknown

" I did it because I can, I can because I want to, I want to because you said YOU said I couldn't"
UNKNOWN
"The futue is not something we enter,but something we create"
UNKNOWN

Muridin

#8
February 17, 2008, 08:38:43 PM
Quote from: Jandris on February 17, 2008, 07:05:33 AM
The Healing Pallie- Hates healing and had to go holy to see endgame. If you raid with a boomkin, a feral druid, a fury warrior, or any non-resto shaman, you are not getting a 30 minute blessing. Forget it. He hates you. God help you if he has alt in one of those classes, you're not even getting heals.

Dibs   :snowman_smiley:

aawww, i wanted that one =p
can we share?   ;)
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